by THE Twank
Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 at 06:22:37 AM EST
A Biochemist Goes To War Part IX
Welcome to California.
Scene 1: Sacramento. Rory: "Isn't this weather great? A foot of snow in Schenectady and Barrington and here ... people jogging in their shorts. Love this place. Conrad ... we'll need some real estate ... think Tony Stark in Iron Man 3 but larger ... we'll need lab and living space for at least 50 people ... more likely 100. Be expansive ... any property can be confiscated on behalf of this project. Find the property, then turn the info over to me ... I'll do the rest. Amy ... when's the meeting with the Mars people ... time to find out where the mission stands." Conrad: "You going to need any of my bugs for your meeting?" "Pack me up a box of three and three. Plus ... the Senator has assigned me an assistant if I need help ... some guy ... Sam ... used to play linebacker for the Bears ... apparently football wasn't violent enough for his taste, whatever that means."
Scene 2: Meeting room ... Mars mission. Board room table ... Don at the far end, at the Chairman of the Board position; Rory at the opposite end. Fifteen other people at the table ... mostly men. They're quietly reading a memo from Senator Buttfuck's office; Rory ... aka The Doctor ... is now in charge of the Mars mission and everyone is expected to support Rory in his endeavors. Don ... the previous head honcho ... wads up his copy, makes an exaggerated effort to throw it, and states: "First ... an important matter ... who was in charge of donuts this morning? I specifically said last time ... no, I yelled ... that I wanted a cherry danish, a bear claw, AND a glazed. Where the hell is my glazed donut? Is this you again, Edward?" For the next fifteen minutes there's heated discussion over who's responsible for donut detail, who has the donut credit card ("I'm not getting stuck paying for donuts. I have children to raise."). Rory looks impatiently at his watch and realizes this is business as usual for most business or government meetings. He opens his briefcase ... opens a small container with Conrad's bugs ... the bugs fly or scatter ... no one notices ... too busy with donuts. Rory stands: "People. I'm Rory. I've been put in charge of the Mars mission, as you can read in Senator Buttfuck's memo." Everyone starts talking at once, mostly in hostile tones. Don sits at the far end and just smiles; nobody's taking over his position. Rory goes to his cell phone ... talks briefly to Senator Buttfuck ... replaces his phone in his vest pocket. Five minutes later a huge gentleman enters the room ... Rory points to the far end of the table ... Sam strides to the far end ... hoists Don out of his chairman's chair ... drags him out the door by the neck ... door still open ... a loud shot rings out ... for the first time, everyone in the room is quiet. Rory: "Now, let me start again. I'm Rory ... also known as The Doctor ... I'm taking over the lead for the Mars mission. Your previous head has been ... relieved. Just to inform you how important this work is, the entire family of your previous leader will also be ... relieved. Sam ... the rather largish gentleman standing at the door ... has plenty of bullets ... and apparently enjoys shooting them. That's right ... this is serious business. Donut discussions are over. Any questions so far?" Dead silence. "Excellent. The purpose of this meeting is ..."
Scene 3: Rory flying back to California. On the phone to Buttfuck. Rory: "Meeting over. Sam was very useful ... thanks for providing him. Once Don was gone, the rest of the cattle fell in line ... they were very relieved to hear that they would get two years of salary for no further work. Typical. "Did you get the information you wanted?" "I got the information that was available. What did you tell me ... that this crowd has been working on this mission for three years? I'd say unbelievable except I've seen this kind of crap for decades. Employees care about one thing ... keeping their paychecks coming in. Doing their job is irrelevant ... just don't give management a reason to fire you ... in other words, to replace you with another bozo. Kiss ass ... look busy ... but do you accomplish anything? ... yup, keep the paychecks flowing. And you know who's to blame? Management. You guys. You give no real incentive for a person to excel. The worthless fucks get a paycheck ... the productive people get a paycheck ... why bust your ass? Does management give the employee a piece of their productivity? ... do they fire the worthless fucks? ... nope. That's why productive people quickly see what's going on, quit, and work for themselves. I've got more respect for the Latino who owns his own lawn mower and has a mow and blow business than I do most employees. Why do you think companies hire me ... why did YOU hire me? Because most employees are useless and you need someone to get the job done." "Boy, you really get on a soapbox, don't ya.?" "I've been seeing this same crap for decades ... nothing changes." "What's the status of the mission?" "Your past crowd did the work in three years that I would expect my crowd to accomplish in a week. Amazing what can be accomplished if donuts aren't a front and center issue. One issue came up, though. What's the military's role in all this ... how do they fit in? They aren't going with you to Mars and I don't think they want to starve with the rest of the peons." "Oh ... it must have slipped my mind. The Pentagon knows what we're up to. We cut a deal with them. They let us go to Mars and then they can have the planet to themselves. Whoever doesn't starve will be executed. Each country's military will deal with their civilian population the way they see fit. The military will look after its own ... everyone else is expendable. Look on the upside ... once 98 percent of the world population is dead, no more fretting over global warming ... or high real estate prices ... or most of the other shit that bothers people." "Thanks for the info. I've got to get back to Sac ... a ton of things to do and I need a nap ... need to recharge my brain." "Try scotch ... works for me." "No, that just deadens the brain. I need to recharge ... without coffee ... sacrilege in our current society. I'll be in touch."
Scene 4: Sacramento. Amy, Conrad, and Rory at Rory's house. "Did you capture the meeting with your bugs?" "Yeah, got it all ... from a lot of different angles. Can't believe how little they got done in three years. I've split the Mars mission into seven major areas ... I'm still choosing leaders for each." "I'll handle anything biological, biochemical, chemical, or food related. How's the real estate search going?" "An estate on the coast looks promising ... it's up for sale ... empty now." "Amy, how you settling in?" "I'm fine ..." "OK, the Mars mission is off and running. Although, we should have a Mars simulated environment ... more real estate. Next, the California project. We need a dramatic example of what can be accomplished by us. Any suggestions?" Amy: "The Oroville spillway is in all the headlines ... people are getting antsy. Worries about next winter. They had to evacuate thousands of people not long ago." Rory: "Not really my field ... let's find something else"
Next Time: Getting started.