Helen, I am happy to have the opportunity to write something that may be supportive to you, I have very much admired your contributions and the sensitivity of your comments since you joined ET.
In transition times, your true self tends to edge towards the extremes, and you never know when the transition is over, really. You may feel yours is complete, it may just be underway and the self it will unveil is going to be a mix of your old self and the changes you decided to welcome.
I am still in a transition period, and it's been lasting more than 2 years now. I have a better sight of the new self in construction, and rejecting the old patterns according to which I had built my adult life is no longer relevant. I now I cannot shed some behaviour patterns, the best thing being smoothing them and adjusting them to the circumstances.
Enough about me.
There is no ground for fearing the suffering of loss, it is so unpredictable that all you can do is make the most of every day.
I cannot let you say you've never been good at friendships, you just do not come up as that kind of person. Friendships involve a good deal of trust and letting go, and for that you need to find trustworthy people, so I fell it has little to do with being good or bad at. We are all bad at relationships, but we are perfectible.
Thank you again for your earnest and moving comment.

When through hell, just keep going. W. Churchill