Here are the administrative borders of Bosnia and Herzegovina which clearly indicate the different privinces which I presume are still in place today. If not, there are two Republics, each with its own constitution, government and budget in Bosnia Herzegovina today, which is more in terms of statehood than what Kosovo has.

And here are the administrative borders of Kosovo which can likewise be used to delineate who gets what.

So I don't quite follow your point. If the Albanians can have the right to secede from Belgrade using internal Serb administrative borders as the yardstick to define their territory, why can't the Serbs also decide with whom they want to live and use those same administrative borders to define their territory?

Philosophical argumentation about what "gives people the creeps" will not lead to a peace agreement but to war - or at best, to severe tensions that will be a headache to Europe for many decades to come. It's time for realpolitik and some bold moves.