Earthquake Sets Japan Back To 2147 | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

TOKYO--Japanese government officials confirmed Monday that the damage wrought on Japan's national infrastructure by the July 16th earthquake--particularly on the country's protective force field, quantum teleportation system, zero-point fusion energy broadcasting grid, and psychodynamic communications network--was severe enough to set the technologically advanced island nation back approximately 300 years to a primitive mid-22nd-century state of existence.