I am equating them!  Birkenstocks are bizarre, overpriced flip-flops for people who don't want to be accused of wearing flip-flops.

Don't bring English girls into this.  That's not fair.  English girls will wear anything, so long as it's wholly inappropriate to the weather.  These are the girls who wear short skirts and tights, looking like they just got thrown out of the making of some '80s new wave music video, when it's 22F outside.

And you lived in Gullyvornyah.  Gullyvornyah is a whole different ballgame from Florida.  It's earthquakes vs hurricanes, culturally.  They take fashion seriously out there, whereas the only people who care in Florida are the New Yorkers and the girls on South Beach who wish they were living in Los Angeles.

Flip-flops are the ramshackle shoe of the people in Florida, my friend.

Be nice to America. Or we'll bring democracy to your country.