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Think Trump supporters in the USA, South African whites, and far right party supporters in Europe. As Hillary was pilloried for saying, they cling to their guns and religion and embrace wild conspiracy theories. Unionists have always had a close ideological bond with Ex Apartheid and Rhodesian white supporters, Zionists, and the religious far right in the USA. Dr. Ian Paisley's honorary doctorate was from a far right US religious College. Many believe in creationism and a variety of QAnon conspiracy theories. They genuinely supported Brexit as a form of anti liberal capitalist globalist conspiracy.
What they have in common is that they have lost power for geopolitical or technological reasons. Many are not that bright and with low educational achievement who have lost out on the higher paying knowledge economy jobs. They are used to privilege and deference and have lost what they feel are their rightful entitlements and heritage - and somebody else has to be to blame - blacks, Muslims, Chinese, immigrants, Catholics, liberals, gays, faceless eurocrats - take your pick. They want to "take back control" and can only lose if others cheat. Index of Frank's Diaries
And with the falling relative position and generally stagnating incomes under neoliberalism comes material misery in combination with spiritual misery.
I think you are on the right track with a combination of respecting their identity and focusing on the material issues. You don't have to love the hated Other that your group has been primed against for generations as long as you can get along, and maybe eventually realise that fixing pot holes etc is easier in collaboration.
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