Seems to be a lot of Phil Collins in the air tonight ...

Three months ago, I lost my oldest friend to a f... motorbike accident. We had made our first stealthy forays into adult life, and the bushes of Ivory Coast, almost 20 years ago, on a Super Tenere. Guess his parents would never have let us drive that thing at the tender age of fourteen; mine did not give a damn. Behind him, he left a promising career as a climatologist, a wife and a young son, and me, looking back into that age of innocence with mixed feelings of regret, longing, and gratitude for the time we'd had together. I'll never be able to watch a Triumph Speed Triple the same way.

I thought year 2005 had taken consistent enough a crop of the people I cared about. Some crossing to the other side, some disappearing in the haze of silence or carried away by the tempest of unrelenting conflicts. Maybe 2006 will prove me wrong.
I still cling to hope, against the odds. In a few days is my birthday, and another anniversary day, one year since I've been trying to salvage a relationship that means almost the world to me, and I'm doing my best as the both of us are still together.
My best friend is still by my side too; considering how often I've moved places, a 13-year friendship does mean something. Another very dear, even if more recent, friend came back to me when I was lost and broken, after months of silence on my side.

Around me, couples and marriages fall apart; was having dinner yesterday with a friend who is going through divorce after a 10-year relationship. Life is a rollercoaster, sometimes you just have to let go. Let go of disappointing relationships. As I have decided to do so tonight; someone so anxious over his PhD and maintaining control over his feelings and emotions that he does not see his college years friend drifting apart and sends his more recent acquaintances packing. Nurture relationships with people who let you be who you are, whom you can open to and who open to you, who have an affectionate way to tell you when you are wrong, who carry you until you can carry on.
Such relationships appear to be scarce, strangely enough though, as I move on the path of life, I find there are always people there for you, to be found sometimes in unexpected places, like blogs and fora.

To end another very personal diary:
One of my favorite quotes from Rene Char to end with and a very personal translation to go with it.
Le reel parfois desaltere l'esperance
C'est pourquoi, contre toute attente, l'esperance survit.
Reality sometimes quenches the thirst for hope
Hence, against all odds, hope survives.

The lyrics of one of my three all-favorite songs by Pink Floyd "Coming back to life"

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible past times
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun