I would like to emphasise that I did not mean to offend those among you who have been (I hope indirectly) in any way close to a rape situation. What I experienced is small stuff compared to what a rape victim suffers.
The purpose of comparison was illustrating the similarity of the way the forfeit is aimed at getting criminal access to something the rapist cannot obtain should the victim had not been forced into it.

When through hell, just keep going. W. Churchill

I'm sorry to read this story. I hope you are all right. If you think you need to delete (or hide) anything on the site, just ask me.

In the long run, we're all dead. John Maynard Keynes

I understand that kind of thing can be frightening, it took me some time before writing anything personal on ET. I only mentioned I had come back from Lanka after months. Now I'm ready to spill out anecdotes as fast as the CIA can archive them.

Well I think the ET meetups should lift the veil off a number of us. I for example am totally normal without my hijab, and I've managed to keep it a secret that I'm in the Bulgarian olympic bobsleigh team.

1. You addressed this, but I think it bears repeating.  No need to compare this to rape.  The feeling of being violated is not inherently like being raped.  You could just as easily compare it to being mugged or wire-tapped.  Not upset at you or anything, but just asking that we all have a little perspective around here.

2. It is best to have a rule that you don't post anything on the Internet that you don't want the whole entire world to know.  Because you aren't just talking among friends, you are posting something on a bulletin board anyone in the world can look at.  Is it a violation of privacy if someone gets the info you post?  Not really.  But is it creepy and disturbing anyway?  Yes!  (I have a very unusual name and one day got an e-mail from some complete stranger with the same name.  My e-mail acct. didn't include my name.  So I freaked out and demanded to know how they got my name, who they were.  Sure, I'd posted my name and e-mail all over the internet in the Dean days. But is still scared me to death.)  Is it a violation if they abuse the info you post?  Hell yes.  

3. I've posted enough stuff on ET for people to figure out who I am even without posting my name or e-mail here.  I've been on the Internet long enough that if someone were determined to find out the goods on me they easily could.  And given my political activism, my job, my travelling to Russia..., knowing the NSA, they probably have.  

I'd say forget rape.  I think we all have an inkling of what it must feel like to live in the Soviet Union or China, where our actions and words are being monitored by strangers who may not like what we are saying or doing.  

Freaky world we live in these days.  But there are pros and cons to blogging, and the pros are winning out for me at the moment.  Hope you decide it is worth it to stick around.  :)

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire

Perhaps people in general are not aware of the fact that practically everything on the Internet is captured or recorded at some point. Not just by the CIA or some other government agency, but by search engines like Google and Yahoo.

This is going to be a huge problem as youngsters move into the workforce, because the very first thing employers do (in the U.S., at least) is Google the name of a job applicant to see what you've been up to on the network. Every blog entry, stupid comment, and anti-government (or pro-government) editorial you ever posted is recorded forever, for everybody to see.

Further, with a name you can find an address and phone number and birthday. With an address you can find an aerial photograph and a map and what you paid for your house. With a birthday you can find the names and ages of your kids. If you've put your picture into Facebook (like most college kids have), it's out there forever. Virtually everything that's in the public domain is out there already.

The way I look at it is that we live now in a global village. In the Middle Ages, say, when travel was difficult and most people lived in the same place their whole lives, there wasn't really much "privacy" because everybody knew everything about you. This whole concept of privacy is a new phenomenon that grew up with the advent of big anonymous cities, and is artificial. There isn't much legal backup you can rely on to protect yourself.

So, just be aware that if you're typing it on your computer, there's a good chance that everybody in the world will be able to read it forever. Future bosses, divorce lawyers, spies, thieves, you name it...

Because I'm a paranoid...

I suggest the following:

1.  Write everything down in a memo and put it in an envelope.

2.  Include the jerk's real name, any contact info you have, and photo, if you can get one.

3.  Give it to a lawyer, if possible, or someone who has some legal standing so the police won't disregard them.

4.  Let your intimate friends know who has the envelope and to contact the above person if you go missing.

Most likely nothing will happen and a year from now you can laugh at me.


She believed in nothing; only her skepticism kept her from being an atheist. -- Jean-Paul Sartre

I am neither a psychologist or a therapist so this should be taken for what it's worth, but I was stalked many years ago by someone who sounds remarkably similar, and it was a very uncomfortable time. Someone who enjoys control to the extent you describe could be joking or could be seriously deranged. ATinNM's advice is sound. It's better to be paranoid now and laugh about it later if nothing happens.

I used to be very scared and careful at the beginning of my Internet experience not to reveal too much about my private life but I gave up on it. At one time being very loud against Milosevic (during his time of leadership) I even received treats from the creep (political opponent) claming he lives in Sydney and will come here in Brisbane "with his boys" to "show me". Really I am not afraid at all for my self and never was .I experienced real bullets above my heads during demonstration in Belgrade where person was killed. I was shit scared but it didn't stop me to come at the same place that same evening. My first though was while I was looking for cover "what if my children are around" (my daughter was 15 and they protested in her high school too).I was always afraid for my family. I would never forgive my self if anything happen to them.
But it's not possible to enjoy Internet without being personal no matter how one may try. I don't really care anymore. In the end I end up putting my photo on that same site. I asked that creep to give me his e-mail address so that I can send him my postal address (and inform police about his intentions of course).He never wrote back.  


Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind...Albert Einstein

As, er -- is there any way of saying this without sounding puffed up and self-important? -- minor celebrities for 20+ years, we've been stalked, have received crazy letters, once from a guy in jail who thought he'd killed John Lennon, another from a guy whom at first we thought was a child, but turned not to be (oops) and was in a place "where they didn't let him have access to a typewriter" (I never inquired further) and the only thing I can say is, you get used to it.

99.99% is totally harmless if a bit disquieting, and can usually be dealth with a little common sense and basic empathy. Eventually, you can dine on some of your best stalking stories, like the one time we were stalked by a Doctor Who fan disguised as a cactus. I kid you not.

You can do another thing. Post completely contradictory information in different places....

And you can always state that you lie in the forums..

That would be my solution... I do not lie if I am fine with everybod knowing it and I lie (well lie.. give contradictory information) without problems if I realize I would not like it to be known... which does not happen very often.

A pleasure

I therefore claim to show, not how men think in myths, but how myths operate in men's minds without their being aware of the fact. Levi-Strauss, Claude

I am privacy-conscious when it comes to political stuff. I hardly comment on political diaries, and do so only on the ones related to French politics . In such cases, I stick to issues and refrain from judgements on the people themselves. The only exception were the CPE threads.

When through hell, just keep going. W. Churchill

I am so sorry about what happened...
I have been thinking a lot about internet, blogs, that invisible medium that has been invented....to serve...ultimately... to whom...for what.
I was wondering why people has created the so called fifth estate, why they have seized to communicate in the real life (if not yet, they are about to do so) say over a cup of coffee or a cup of tea? Why children instead of playing outside in the fresh air prefer to sit in the dim internet cafes and chat or play virtual games? Why do their parents prefer to say what they want or have to say before the whole world instead of doing so before his/her wife/ husband? Why do they need to share their concerns with so many people they do not see, touch, and feel (is it only for the sake of intellectual debate)? Why they have created a medium where no one (really) knows anyone, why personal contact has seized to be so important? It will take months  (truly) to accept some one on a blog, but it will take only a minute even less, to feel the person sitting before you. Nowadays, people seem so close to one another, yet so far...  
The internet privacy where does it start or where does it end? Once my Professor, who is a respectable member of the ET community, has told in one of our class discussions that in order to build an internet credibility one should at a point of time reveals some personal information, which would show the rest of the members that he or she is willing to be part of the community and can be trusted, not someone who has just subscribed to say hello. Well what would happen if one decide not to share that piece of information, to keep it for himself/herself, because one does not want the whole world to learn about it, but at the same time to be granted a full membership? Does this not at a given moment make the whole purpose of the exercise meaningless?
I see that you are a community, very intelligent and liberal one. It is so nice that you can share your concerns, thoughts with a bunch of people who are going to engage in a discussion (true) that only the internet space allow. Yet, for the research I have engaged myself in,I would like to ask you if it was not for the ET ( or any other blog) where and to whom would you say that want you need to?
Global village...so true... One thinks that he/she is protected sitting on a chair in front of the computer writing sympathetic messages. Until one day someone does not ring on his or her door with the words "Hi, do you mind if I come in. I saw you on the internet and came to say hello."
Meet your future.

I am usually very protective about my identity online - My moinker does not give away my real name, but when reading my comments, one can find out more about my person.
My wife is forever criticising me, that I am not blogging more personal stuff on my blog, but then she just started a new blog because her mother started to comment on her blog...

hehe, I just googled my name and it is like in Alex case only me, that comes up, with the earliest entry in 1995 in my wild political youth.