Welcome to European Tribune. It's gone a bit quiet around here these days, but it's still going.

Dead Man's Switch

by THE Twank Sun Dec 17th, 2017 at 04:35:39 PM EST

Dead Man's Switch

This is the time for this diary.  There's a ton of speculation in the U. S. news that Robert Mueller will be fired this week before Christmas.  I wouldn't be surprised, but Mueller is a ballsy intelligent  dude (one of my folks) and he would have prepared for this day a long time ago. Prepare how, you ask?  That's why I love E.T. ... you folks are always Johnny-on-the-spot.

Read more... (3 comments, 321 words in story)

The Focus Group

by THE Twank Thu Aug 31st, 2017 at 10:33:27 PM EST

The Focus Group

Recently on the news I saw a "focus group" in which a panel of Republican voters were asked questions concerning "President Trump".  The usual crap you might expect ... something like,  "Describe in one word a description of President Trump".  My attitude: who gives a flying fuck about this shit?  Let's get to the heart of the matter ... and you KNOW they would never ask these questions, but what the fuck. Here we go.

Read more... (10 comments, 296 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 9

by THE Twank Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 at 06:22:37 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part IX

Welcome to California.

Scene 1: Sacramento. Rory: "Isn't this weather great?  A foot of snow in Schenectady and Barrington and here ... people jogging in their shorts.  Love this place. Conrad ... we'll need some real estate ... think Tony Stark in Iron Man 3 but larger ... we'll need lab and living space for at least 50 people ... more likely 100.  Be expansive ... any property can be confiscated on behalf of this project.  Find the property, then turn the info over to me ... I'll do the rest.  Amy ... when's the meeting with the Mars people ... time to find out where the  mission stands." Conrad: "You going to need any of my bugs for your meeting?" "Pack me up a box of three and three.  Plus ... the Senator has assigned me an assistant if I need help ... some guy ... Sam ... used to play linebacker for the Bears ... apparently football wasn't violent enough for his taste, whatever that means."

Read more... (1327 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 8

by THE Twank Wed Mar 29th, 2017 at 05:15:03 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part VIII


Scene 1: The Pot Shop.  Rory and Conrad listening to the replay of Rory's interview with Buttfuck. " But I digress ... where was I?  Oh yeah, why I asked you to come see me. Rumor has it you got this big brain ... you solve problems ... all sorts of problems.  Well, I've got a problem for you ... one word ... MARS!" Conrad pauses the playback. "When I heard Mars ... I thought it was a setup.  You get hauled there right after the KKK bloodbath and he wants to talk about MARS?!  My bullshit alarm hit eleven.  And that shit about Hoover and Tolson ... glad that was before my time." "Can we get on with the playback?" "Sorry ... like Buttfuck said, I digress." "That's right ... I said Mars." "You mean the planet ... or the candy bar?" "Of course the planet, you ninny.  Haven't you heard?  The White House is all gung-ho on going to Mars ... setting up colonies ..." "Let me guess ... hotels with his name on them."

Read more... (1634 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 7

by THE Twank Sat Mar 25th, 2017 at 06:05:48 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part VII

Welcome to Washington D.C.

Scene 1: The Pot Shop, post bloodbath.  Rory; "Jeff, I told you last time, I don't work human based problems ... I'm a scientist ... I do sets of controlled experiments. I don't see how I can help you." "When I got back to D.C., I talked to my boss, Lenny. I told him about you ... you being a generalized problem solver ... and we agreed we had a problem.  That golf course thing has us spooked ... never saw anything like it. Guys' dicks turning black and needing to be amputated ... gnarly." "So that's what was up when you were here last ... you never said." "Yeah, anyway ... I told Lenny we could use a fresh pair of eyes around this place and you would be just the person.  He said he'd talk to his boss but he didn't hold out much hope ... budget cutbacks and all.  Lenny's son-in-law knew one of the guys from the golf course ... you know what it's like to visit a friend who just had his dick cut off?  Pretty scary scene ... now they're looking for a dick donor ... the guy wants to scale up to something big and black ... like in the pornos.  That'll be freaky looking ... pink body ... big black dick." "Well, Christmas is coming ... look at it from the wife's point of view ... something to fill up her ... stocking." "Yeah, real funny ... didn't know you did stand-up.  And now this mass killing with hundreds dead ... what the hell is it with Illinois ... what they puttin'  in the water?  This has Lenny's boss freaking ... he thinks there's some terrorist group out to get ... US." "OK, you just said the magic word ... terrorist.  Since 9-11, that word opens up the piggy bank ... big time.  This is what you do, Jeff.  Tell your boss ... Lenny is it? ... that for my services I want one hundred MILLION dollars ... all in cash, hundreds.  Fifty mil up front ... the balance when I complete the job. Got that?" "A fucking hundred million ... Lenny will crap his pants ... God knows what his boss will say." "Remind them both they may have a terrorist group out to get them ... you only need to die once ... it tends to be permanent." "I'll get back to you." "Yeah, you do that ... (click) ... nimrod." Turns to Conrad who was listening to the conversation; "Can you believe that joker ... that should scare him away." "Why so ... the hundred million?  That's nothing to those clowns. That's taxpayers money ... they don't care.  Terrorists threatening their lives ... especially after that Rep. Krupt incident.  Don't think they don't have that in the back of their mind ... it could've been them." "That's OK, we won't be hearing from them again." Rory's phone buzzes; shit, him again; "Yeah Jeff, what now?" "How's this ... we pay you one million in cash for one day of your time?" "Fine.  Write this down ... this is how it's going to go.  Do everything I say ... we'll be fine.  Screw up one thing ... I'm out.  Ready to write?"

Read more... (1562 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 6

by THE Twank Tue Mar 21st, 2017 at 04:57:37 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part VI

White Nationalists

Scene 1: Rory in Amy's kitchen.  More pie.  Rory: "The house in Sacramento looks great ... quiet, residential neighborhood ... near a university ... get the hell out of Illinois while you still can. All the Red states are turning into hellholes ... The Enemy is destroying everything decent it can.  These are scorched-earth policies they're performing ... if you're weak or vulnerable, some accountant will find a way to capitalize on you.  The homeless will be targeted  ... probably as test subjects for immortality drugs for the uberwealthy. Time to head to the high ground ... I've had a 2nd home in Sacramento for years.  Now that your mom has passed on, it's time you moved to Sac too." "Rory, I was born in Illinois ... it's easy for you ... you came from upstate New York so uprooting to California isn't that big a deal.  My whole life is here." "Yep, and I'm trying to make sure your horrible death isn't here ... and that's what's flowing out of D.C. right now."

Read more... (1453 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 5

by THE Twank Fri Mar 17th, 2017 at 04:35:59 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part V

Meet the Enemy

Scene 1: The Douchbag Country Club.  Very little activity ... no one golfing.  A few employees scattered around.  Jeff of the EIS is addressing six temporary EIS employees ... all have jackets with the EIS logo in huge letters ... all with official looking faux CSI kits.  Jeff: "OK, listen up people.  This is a training exercise." Jeff pauses to shoo away one of Conrad's flies which lands upon his shoulder and attaches.  "In a little while a small group of real reporters will be allowed on the premises.  They're here to add realism to this exercise.  You have mock cameras ... take pictures of anything that looks reasonable.  No screwing around ... the whole exercise is being filmed." A lie but who cares.  "Remember ... you do not speak to the media.  If anyone asks you a question, say that all information on this case is classified and direct them to me, Agent Piccard.  If any  reporter gets pushy, call over one of the police ... they will warn the reporter not to bother you or they will be led off the premises."  One of the faux agents: "Are there any phrases that sound really scienterrific that we could use with each other to sound impressive?"  "The following phrase can be used if you ... say ... collect a soil sample ... or take a closeup photo of anything ... or even do a dust for fingerprints bit ...  just say to your fellow agent, "Do you think this is amenable to the fragistan carcoblans?" ... and you both peer into each other's eyes like you said something meaningful.  The reporter will be so busy trying to write down  fragistan carcoblans and google it that that person will be out of action for ten minutes.  It's fun to watch.   One final thing.  You have your list of red tape items.  For example, all unopened alcoholic beverages and all materials from the kitchen walkin cooler will be red-tagged and moved into the red-tag van or the refrigerated red-tag truck.  All other items will be loaded into the other vehicles for transport to the central office.  That's it ... get to work ... try to enjoy yourself and always ... always ... look official."  The faux agents scatter ... some taking pictures ... other putting soil samples in test tubes and adding phony reagents.  Two agents head for the storage areas to box up red-tag items for transport to Lenny's estate.  Three reporters enter ... they've already been instructed to take all the pictures they wish but under no circumstances should they disturb the agents in any way ... treat this like a murder scene ... your cooperation is appreciated ... there will be a Q&A session with Head Agent Piccard at the end of the day.

Read more... (2 comments, 1940 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 4

by THE Twank Mon Mar 13th, 2017 at 03:09:44 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part IV

Enter Biomimetics

Scene 1: The Pot Shop ... Rory and Conrad.  There's a huge TV screen with multiple
smaller insert screens. Conrad controls the contents of all the screens. Conrad: "Here's the feed from Tigerhawk, as you call him ... notice the time-stamp. Here comes the Rep.s  dive ... ah, look at him splash around ... till ...  oh, poor baby ... here comes the muscle to the rescue ... oh shit, he's in trouble too ... Doc, what did you spike the pool with?" "Con nitric acid ... had gallons of the stuff sitting around for ages ... never thought I'd use it." "OK, I'm changing the feed ... the cops show up ... then later, these bozos in their Haz-Mat suits.  EPA boys.  FBI's here too.  Here's an interesting exchange ... listen.  Haz-Mat guy: "My pH meter says this pool is acidic as all hell." Bodyguard ... dumb as nails but always trying to impress; "Acid?  That's who did it!  The pool guy was here yesterday ... he had a jug of ... what did he call it ... moronic acid? The crap was nasty!" Haz-Mat: "I think you mean ... (very snooty) ... muriatic acid. Officer Idiot ... find out who the pool service is ... lock them up.  We'll need to dump a slew of base in to neutralize it. Case closed. Wonder why the pool guy hated the Rep. so much? " Rory: "Wait a sec.  How did you change the feed from Tigerhawk?  What was recording?" "Patience, doc ... you'll see.  So, how long you been in the snuffing biz?  And how long do you plan to stay in the biz?" "My beef is with the Feds ... all the R boys and girls ... and I do mean ALL of them.  They're an infestation and I'm the exterminator.  I don't look on them as human ... I don't know what they are, to be honest ... could be invaders from another planet trying to terraform Earth to their own needs.  They gotta be stopped ... all this bullshit protesting is a total waste of time.  They should reserve protesting for something social ... like universal birth control.   There's a war on. Stepping on cockroaches on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night." "OK, stop right there ... keep my friends out of it.  Follow me." Conrad leads Rory down to his basement ... reminiscent of Rory's place. "When I was in 10th grade bio class I took a liking to insects.  They called me BugMan.  Had huge collections on pins ... dragonflies ... beetles ... you name it.  Then in college I learned about biomimetics ... human technology mimicking living systems. I've been at it for 15 years ... me and my friends.  You asked earlier what was transmitting after I cut away from Tigerhawk ... it was a couple of these guys." In a tray are dozens of flies ... or what appear to be flies. "You have trained flies?"  "Nope, mechanical flies based on organic fly systems.  My guys have basic abilities ... they fly, land, watch, and listen.  All information is transmitted to my base technology for recording and time-stamp.  I actually have the ability to bug places ... with artificial bugs.  I'm also into spiders ... they don't fly but they crawl up walls ... walk on ceilings ... go everywhere a normal spider could go.  My latest creation is an artificial honey bee ... like my flies but they carry a sting and I decide what venom gets pumped.  Thought that last one would interest you. Remember the X-Files episode with the honey bees ... Roy Thinnes?  "Yeah, those buggers were cool but they were still bees." "Yup, mine are the improved variety.  They see, hear, and sting ... silent assassins."  "I'm not a physicist but I know enough physics to ask ... how are these guys powered?  What's the energy source?"  "Tiny Eveready batteries ... no, no just kidding.  My energy guy tells me that my creations absorb all form of electromagnetic radiation ... visible light, radio waves ... the entire spectrum.  They convert that energy into useful work ... don't ask me how ... it's not my field.  I just tell Vick ... that's my energy guy ... what I'm designing and he handles the energy needs.  One final thing ... I've already got a few places bugged that you might find interesting."

Scene 2: (EIS) ... Jeff in Lenny's office.  Jeff: "This just popped up on the news feed.  Remember Rep. Krupt ... the guy who lost his family under mysterious circumstances?  He just turned up dead ... in his  swimming pool along with his body guard."  "What the hell were they doing ... or don't I want to know?  All those Rep.s are perverts."  "That's not the point.  The local cops are charging the pool service for spiking the pool with muriatic acid ... here's some photos of Krupt's corpse just after they hauled him out of his pool." "Oh shit, I don't want to see that just before lunch ... what's the point?"  "Krupt's family dies ... nobody knows how ... now Krupt is dead.  What?  Do I need to spell it out?"  "Look, you little shit! The only reason I gave you this job is because your mother was once my secretary sucking my dick so don't get all uppity with your bullshit."  Just the image Jeff wanted in his head ... his mother and Lenny. "Fine. Let me work on it.  Something might turn up." "Yeah, well don't waste too much taxpayer money on it.  Rumor has it there's a new variety of v.d. spreading among the hookers in D.C. and the politicians are raising hell ... the wives are getting infected and they'll be knocking on our door before long.  Bone up on boner diseases while you have the time."

Scene 3: Jeff's desk.  Jeff still trying to lose the image of his mother kneeling in front of Lenny with his pants down.  She's moved on ... now she kneels in front of a Senator.  Ambitious sort.  "OK, how much muriatic acid would it take to cause the damage in the photo of the dead Rep.? pH ... concentration ... what's the volume of the pool ... what's the concentration of the pool muriatic acid ... welcome back to 2nd semester chem.  I wonder if the EPA boys logged the pH of the pool ... that would help." Five hours later ... Jeff talking to himself. "A rough estimate ... assuming I'm starting with the right concentration of hydrogen chloride in the pool service acid ... is 25 gallons.  How the fuck did the pool guy get 25 gallons of acid into that pool without anybody noticing?  This is bullshit ... they got the wrong guy!"  Jeff thinks that he has to tell Lenny ... then he remembers his mom with Lenny ... he also realizes that Lenny won't understand any of his calculations or even care ... but if anything comes out of it, Lenny'll claim the credit.  Conclusion: Fuck Lenny, and not in a nice mom way.  Jeff knows there's someone in Illinois snuffing people ... probably someone with an agenda.

Scene 4:  Lenny comes rushing out to Jeff's desk. Lenny; "Pack your bags.  You're going to Illinois.  You've got a girlfriend there, don't you?  "Yeah, my almost fiance.  Is this about the Krupt family deaths? "Fuck those idiots ... nobody cares about them.  This is Big ... really big.  Guy's dicks are turning black.  A whole bunch of them.  This could be my ticket out of this shithole ... all the way to the White House.  Me ... Special Assistant to the Emperor ... making sure his dick doesn't turn black and fall off.  Can't you see it ... me and the Emperor's tiny orange dick ... in the same photo ... "The State of the Dick is Sound." Ground zero is a golf course.  Here's a list of stuff to special tag for me.  Christmas isn't that far away and golf crap makes great stocking stuffers for politicians. We want a special show of force ... take a dozen phonies with you with cameras ... do the whole CSI routine ... make sure none of them talk to the press ... you're the only one to be quoted ... don't screw this up.  Oh, about that crack I made earlier about your mother ... forget it ... I really miss your mom." "Yeah, I bet you do.  I'll make sure you get your loot.  I gotta pack."

Scene 5: Rory on the phone to Ray, the new Maintenance Supervisor at Amy's company. "Doc, there's something weird happening.  I'm getting phone calls from the wives of some of the old golf club guys.  They're calling me from hospitals ... all over northern Illinois ... asking me how my dick is."  "Ray, what's the point?  So you're popular with the wives ... a fringe benefit since they treated you so badly." "Their husband's dicks are turning black ... some need them cut off ... the medical term is dickectomy.  Ever hear of such shit?"  "No, this is new. Let me look into it ... I'll get back to you ... and glad to hear your new position is working out.  Amy says only good things.  Gotta go."  Need to call Conrad and get some of his boys over to the Club House.

Scene 6: The Pot Shop.  Rory and Conrad are watching the show.  Big bowl of popcorn being shared.  Rory; "How many of your boys did you drop off at the Club?"  "Four ... each with enhanced sensors.  We should be able to see and hear everything.  Pass the corn."


Next Time:  Meet the Enemy

Biochemist Goes to War: 3

by THE Twank Thu Mar 9th, 2017 at 03:46:03 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part III

Send in the Drones

Scene 1: Amy's on the phone to Rory. "Yeah, the maintenance position has been unfilled for 6 months.  Candidates have been either lazy college kids who don't know which end's up or people who can't get beyond raking leaves.  Any qualified person wants twice what we'd offer. (pause) Fine, you have Ray give me a call.  Make sure he has a current resume; have him dress appropriately for the interview ... no three piece suits, no overalls; something in between. I'm the first step in the interviewing process; if I'm impressed, I'll route him to my boss Steve for final approval.  (pause)  That's right ... you owe me and someday I'll collect, believe me.  Oh, before you go.  Remember Rep. Krupt ... the asshole who lost his family?  According to the newspaper he's moved into a huge estate ... high wall around the entire place ... guard dogs ... really odd.  Either he fears for his life or he's throwing pool parties with 16 year olds and doesn't want the press finding out.  OK, bye"

Read more... (2 comments, 1526 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 2

by THE Twank Sun Mar 5th, 2017 at 06:57:36 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part II

The Country Club and the EIS.

Scene 1: Rory drives his ancient VW into the Douchbag Country Club parking lot. Beautiful day ... sunny ... warm.  A patron addresses Rory; " Fantastic car ... where'd you get this antique?" "I bought it new in 1980 ... only car I've owned since.  I'm new here ... thinking of joining.  What's the procedure?"  "The clubhouse is that way ... you can't miss it ... go in, ask for Albert at the desk ... he handles all new recruits.  Welcome!"

Read more... (1883 words in story)

Biochemist Goes to War: 1

by THE Twank Wed Mar 1st, 2017 at 12:51:44 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War:  Part I

This ranks somewhere between scyfy and scyreal.  The theme is simple ... people stop taking shit from the Federal Government and the Republicans, and do more than protest. They'll protest themselves to death ... or worse.  Here's a tale about a biochemist who decides to fight back; the Feds never realize what they're  dealing with.

Read more... (5 comments, 1868 words in story)

Creeping Despotism Log #3

by THE Twank Mon Feb 27th, 2017 at 06:36:06 AM EST

This week's diary is  a little different. I've cited two pieces by Arthur Gilroy over at The Booman Tribune ... yes, the link at the top of the European Tribune homepage.  One is titled "More Non-Partisan, Pro-Freedom Sense From the Internet, Part V" ;  the second is titled "The Southification of the North? Thats NEWS!!!???"  Lastly,  I was going to give  you "A Biochemist Goes to War", Part I ; my own creation, but I came across an extensive piece by Les Leopold of AlterNet  (published in Salon) titled "Constitutional collapse: Why we could be on the verge of a democratic apocalypse".  This supports my diary series theme, so I've decided to leave publishing my baby till next time, I hope.

Read more... (540 words in story)

Creeping Despotism Log #2

by THE Twank Mon Feb 20th, 2017 at 06:45:43 AM EST

Tues. (2/14/17) Rachel Maddow Show ...  Flynn "resignation/firing" is the big deal; getting to the bottom of the Trump/Putin connection is hot; the Congress investigating the whole mess ... right. But ... here's the biggie ... some historian bigwig thinks we can sleep well at night because "the last cold-warrior" will come riding to the rescue.  Kids, if that's the best you got, old worthless Sen. McCain, kiss it goodbye.

Read more... (467 words in story)

Creeping Despotism Log #1

by THE Twank Mon Feb 13th, 2017 at 07:53:40 AM EST

This series is part of my last stand as the U. S. of A. sinks into grinding despotism, long overdue given how "we" rain hell upon other societies while watching sports matches on TV with ads for alcoholic beverages followed by drug treatment centers.  Humorous, actually.

Read more... (15 comments, 748 words in story)

California Secession Diary #15 Sound Off !

by THE Twank Thu Dec 1st, 2016 at 11:37:24 AM EST

I'm composing my first email to Mr. Louis J. Marinelli, leader of the Calexit movement. Included will be your questions/comments from my previous Calexit diaries. Anything else? I'll keep E.T. apprised of my email exchange. I've already informed the Calexit VP that I'll post Calexit recruitment fliers on the Sac State campus come Jan. `17 along with my tutoring fliers; start of my 14th year, how time flies. P.S. I just checked the E.T. archives ... I've been visiting here for OVER 9 years !

Read more... (117 words in story)

California Secession Diary #14: New Developments

by THE Twank Tue Nov 29th, 2016 at 06:26:15 PM EST

Find below the fold editorials by Keith Olbermann who seems concerned about the future of democracy in the U.S. Empire.

Read more... (135 words in story)

California Secession Diary #13 and final: How will we defend ourselves?

by THE Twank Wed Nov 23rd, 2016 at 09:24:34 AM EST

Below the fold find a page from the Calexit Manifesto pdf. and two three gems I found on YouTube.  I've omitted a number of Calexit topics which I thought were unimportant (Will we have our own Olympic team? Yeah, I'm losing sleep over that one.). Thanks for the use of the hall and I wish you all good luck.

Read more... (655 words in story)

California Secession Diary #12 What about our water and agriculture ?

by THE Twank Tue Nov 22nd, 2016 at 10:57:13 AM EST

Below the fold find pages from the Calexit Manifesto and two titles from today's Sacramento Bee; one of the articles is VERY relevant. This is the next-to-last diary in this series. Present your questions and comments now because I'm contacting the Calexit folks before this week is out. I read this yesterday in a word puzzle: "Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly and for the same reason." Mark Twain

Read more... (894 words in story)

California Secession Diary #11 Currency, Medicaid, Medicare & Social Security ?

by THE Twank Mon Nov 21st, 2016 at 10:30:43 AM EST

Below the fold are pages from the Calexit Manifesto, the title of an article in today's Sacramento Bee, and a link to a segment of today's Democracy Now! broadcast featuring Jeremy Scahill of the Intercept. As I've said previously, the current reasons for Calexit will pale compared to the abominations spewed from the Trump regime. For those curious about the characters Emperor Trump is surrounding himself with, please remember that Trump realizes that the only people who'll oppose his looting of the U.S. Empire is liberal Democrats ... Republicans will go along with everything. So the Trump hangers-on are designed to keep the Democrats distracted. Please see all of today's Democracy Now! broadcast to see what I mean.

Read more... (1 comment, 712 words in story)

California Secession Diary #10 What about all the debt we have ?

by THE Twank Sun Nov 20th, 2016 at 12:46:02 PM EST

Below the fold are two pages from the Calexit Manifesto and the title of one editorial in today's Sacramento Bee; the body of the editorial is behind a pay wall. And an added treat!

Read more... (853 words in story)
Next 20 >>

News and Views

 July 2024

by Oui - Jun 30, 189 comments

Your take on today's news media

Occasional Series
Click for full list